I told my client “It was a suicide”
She looked me dead in the eye and asked: “Cael, was it an accident or did she really kill herself?”
I’ve worked in Mental Health Services for six years after studying Counselling Psychology at University, working predominantly on suicide and mental health crisis hotlines. I’ve had thorough training in how to duck and dive and avoid answering questions from client’s when they require a direct answer.
Now, as a Psychic Medium, there is a lot fewer formalities and ways to do things. In this field, you have to serve Spirit with thoroughness and honesty.
As a medium, to swerve from questions or weave polished unsatisfactory responses doesn’t help our clients. But that doesn’t mean we are unbridled and speak without tact re-traumatising folk left, right and centre.
How do we say the “S” word without having it land heavily and strike a nerve with clients, by hearing something that they may not be ready for? It’s a fine art helping people who are emotionally compromised. It takes skill, skill and more skill!
I can assure you that the best way to break it to a client that their loved one is present and you feel they ended their life, you simply say that. “I feel the person with me today takes responsibility for their passing as if they ended it themselves”. When asked directly that time I referenced at the beginning, I simply said to the person “I feel like your Mum did not want to be in the world anymore”.
These are all techniques and statements I am familiar with in the professional mental health space.
Why is it important to tell a Client it was suicide?
The truth is, I lost my mother to suicide and it was danced around for years. Family will protect the emotionally vulnerable from the truth at times. My own intuition was too strong for my families good intentions. Some clients don’t have that luxury.
They truly want to know the final reason a loved one left this realm because it has a considerable place in the process of healing and closure. For others, it’s not as important.
How do I know I should reveal it?
I am always led by the client. If the client asks, I say. But most often the client is aware the person ended their life, but they want validation from you to share this. It is perfectly OK to introduce a loved one departed by announcing the condition of passing. You don’t have to be graphic, here are some great examples:
Here are some tips and best practices from my mental health training to avoid saying in readings:
“Commit Suicide”. What age are we in? Suicide is not a broken law, nor is it a sin. Suicide is a choice. You can swap that phrasing for “Completed Suicide”, “Ended their own life” or “Died by Suicide”.
We want to avoid saying “lost to suicide”, why? Because they aren’t lost at all, they are very much present in the appointment with you and the client are they not? We must also stop saying “lost their battle with depression” or “lost their battle to cancer”.
Nobody loses in life. It’s not an Olympic sport. It’s a beautiful and wonderful miracle.
If you have an aboriginal client, you would simply leave the word suicide out of the dictionary. This word is exceptionally harsh and strong for indigenous people, and a much wiser elder of mine once said, correcting me one day, “Oh Cael our mob say ‘it was a bad situation that went wrong'”. Suicide is extremely painful to discuss with First Nation clients, and it’s essential to delicately handle this if you read for them.
We as lightworkers have powerful responsibilities. We have amazing gifts to touch peoples lives that even me in professional mental health could never do. You don’t have to drown in the feeling of being caught off-guard in the future.
Know that there is no right or wrong way, there are just better and more discreet ways to tell a client that their loved one died by suicide.
Cael O’Donnell is an Australia Psychic Medium and Empowerment Coach.
Follow his Instagram for daily inspiration as a Lightworker here.